I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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