I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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