my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
