he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
