She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
