We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
