Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
