As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
