My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
