This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
