After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
