I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
