We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
