Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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