I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
