I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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