That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Actions speak louder than pants.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
