Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
