I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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