I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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