we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
