I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
