he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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