My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
