Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
