Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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