He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
