I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
