in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
