Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
