What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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