Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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