You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
