remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
FUCK WHALES
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
