There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
