my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
