i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
