Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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