New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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