we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
