I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
