Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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