I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
