so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
