It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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