i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
