this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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