Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
