I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
