There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
