Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
