her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
