exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
