You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
