I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Green mimosas i think yes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
