What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
